If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
