someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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