It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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