i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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