Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
