Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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