So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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