College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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