Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
