Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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