Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
