She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
