I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize