i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
