theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
