We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
