2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
