Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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