I got chris browned last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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