I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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