my being single is dangerous.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
