I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
