You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
