It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
