Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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