I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
