Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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