I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My vagina is officially offended.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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