Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
