rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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