Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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