party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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