I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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