Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
