That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
