remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
