his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
