Where are you?
In a non slutty way
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
