I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
