I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
