I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Someone shattered a urinal.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
