There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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