based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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