My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
