You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
