We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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