What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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