Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
