I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize