Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
