thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
