arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
