Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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