I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
