Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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