Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
