I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
