these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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