Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
