Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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