How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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