is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
