you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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