yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
