I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
