Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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