Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
