I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
