I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
