We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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