I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
