I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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