I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize