Got a toothbrush?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
